So today I looked on my Timehop and realised that on this date 3 years ago I found out I was pregnant. I actually remember taking the pregnancy test and even before those 2 lines came up, I knew it was going to be positive. It was the scariest day of my life as I hadn’t been planning on children at that point.
When I was younger and naively thought my relationship would last forever, I had a very definite plan for 3 children. I actually laugh about it now because my views have changed so much from even just 3 years ago.
I want to say first of all that my son is the best thing in my life. I couldn’t imagine my life without him, he makes me smile every day and I can honestly say he’s given me a purpose to want to better myself and achieve more in life. But I don’t want any more children.
People have said to me “you’ll change your mind when you meet the right person.” The thing is, I just don’t think there IS a right person. I thought my son’s father was the right person at the time!
There are various reasons why I’ve decided not to have any more. For a start, I hated pregnancy. It was long, I had sickness and was in a lot of pain. I had a bad labour resulting in an assisted delivery which meant I was unable to even walk properly for weeks after. I mentioned before that I had the baby blues which prevented me from fully appreciating the first few months of Max’s life.
Then I became a single parent and realised that it’s hard work. I found it impossible to get a job and find affordable available childcare which left me out of work for 18 months. I’ve only just started to get back on my feet. Another shallower reason for not wanting more children is I don’t particularly want a daughter and there’s no way of guaranteeing another son!
I think my biggest fear if I were to have another child is another failed relationship and having to go through all this again. I’d prefer to focus on the child I do have, work to give him everything he deserves and give him all my attention. I was an only child and I turned out OK. I’d like to think Max will too 😊