Happy Halloween!

Yay, Halloween is here! It’s weird how you get so much more excited about this stuff when you have children. I didn’t actually dress Max up – I would have done if he’d been at nursery but he was off this week and he’s too young to take out or anything. We had a really nice evening though – I did a pumpkin and we had marshmallows with melted chocolate as a treat. He’s in bed now so I’m gonna put on some kind of horror film in a minute (you have to on Halloween!) I’m quite lucky as I live in a flat above shops so no one comes trick or treating here 😄.

November is gonna be a pretty busy month for me, I’ll update as I go but I’m planning on getting quite a lot done regarding my future plans. I hope everyone had a great October 😆 I did although I’m not a fan of these dark evenings and cold weather. Also starting to think about Christmas plans (yeah, I said the dreaded C word!) I bought my first present the other day because I’m determined to be organised this year!


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Half term

Max is on half term from nursery this week. His hours are government funded so he only does term time. It’s nice in a way because we get to spend the week together but I’m a bit worried he’ll get used to being with me all the time again and start getting upset when I drop him off at nursery. He’s just started to get a lot better and enjoy it more so I think I’m gonna take him to the creche he used to go to one day this week (also it means I can train for a couple of hours cos I’m missing out on that as well.)

I’m gonna try and use the time he’s at home to see how we go with potty training. At the moment he’s really good at using it at home if I leave his nappy off but when I take him out he won’t use it. I’d like to get him sorted by Christmas if I can – I know boys are supposed to be a bit slower than girls but he’s quite bright (not being biased, the health visitor thought so 😆.) He’s got his flu vaccination on Tuesday as well because he gets quite a lot of colds so I’m hoping that will help.

I had my certificate come through the post from the open uni. I’m so so excited – I want to get my UCAS sorted by the middle of next month and sent off. I’m still deciding where to apply for but I’m gonna keep it to myself when I do until I know if I’ve got a place or not. Also it’s less than 3 months now until my surgery date! It’s crazy how close we are to the end of the year and I’m feeling really festive and happy at the moment. Can’t wait to see what the last 2 months of 2015 will bring 😃

Embarrassing toddlers

Max is now 2 years and 5 months old and I’m really loving this age. He can talk properly so I don’t have to try and guess what he wants any more, and he’s got such a lovely funny personality. He does have his “terrible twos” moments but on the whole I’m finding this stage a lot easier and more fun than the baby stage.

One thing though is that he can be a lot more embarrassing in public. Not even when he has tantrums (which isn’t very often) but just some of the things he comes out with. Children his age have no filter and are naturally curious about stuff but this does lead to some embarrassing moments for me. The other day we were waiting for my mum in the car park when a car pulled up with bird poo on it. Max felt the need to shout “look mummy it’s dirty!” as the man was getting out (that’s another thing as well – why do they have to shout all the time?) Another time we were in a shop when an old lady walked past – she was a bit of an old crone and looked quite witchy. Max started protesting that she was “scary” and he “didn’t like it” 🙈 I don’t think she heard but I think sometimes you just have to grin and bear it even though it’s embarrassing! Hopefully he’ll get past this stage soon 😂

Emotions (or lack of them)

I don’t know why, but I’ve always been quite a cold, detached person. I know a lot of girls say this in order to save face and try to appear “tough” but in my case it’s genuinely true. I’ve been told this by so many people including my mum!

In a lot of ways it makes my life easy. I never expect a lot from other people so I’m never disappointed when people let me down – I just move on without really caring. In other ways it makes things difficult. I find it incredibly hard to express how I’m feeling because I just don’t like talking about emotional stuff. I don’t really cry and a lot of the time I come across as being heartless or uncaring because I can’t relate to people who are really needy or high strung. Sometimes that’s not always the case. I would do anything for people I really care about. I’m just sort of like “Chandler” from Friends and this quote pretty much sums me up “I’m not so great with the advice, can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?” 😂😘

Bucket Lists

A few years ago I bought a book called “101 things to do before you die.” I made up my mind that I wanted to do everything on the list and for a while I was completely focused on how I was going to achieve this.

It took me a while to realise that some of the things on the list were probably things I was never gonna be physically able to do (be present when your country wins the world cup) or be able to afford to do (build your own house). Some of the things on there I actually didn’t even WANT to do (get arrested, visit every country, etc). I began to think it would make a lot more sense to create my own bucket list, with things that I wanted to do and were actually achievable.

Some people think it’s morbid to have a bucket list, or too “rigid” – but I feel that life is a journey and you should spend it making memories and having amazing experiences. We put off things because we think we have all the time in the world but in reality, life is short and I’m not the kind of person who wants to sit around just waiting to grow old. I’m working on my own bucket list and when it’s finished I’ll post it on here and have fun seeing how many things I’ll be able to tick off as I continue blogging. Life is for living, guys – don’t let it pass you by 😃

Blackpool

I meant to write this on Sunday but I was really tired so I’m only just getting round to it. Just a short post today because I’m gonna do a longer one over the weekend!

Me and my mum took Max to Blackpool last weekend and we had the best time. Not gonna lie, it was the tackiest place I’ve ever been (even worse than Skegness) but Max loved it. I do sometimes miss living by the sea when I see how happy he is just building sandcastles and collecting stones – it just goes to show you really don’t need much to keep a 2 year old happy, you don’t even need to spend any money.

We went on a tram tour to see the illuminations which I was really impressed with. I did just think they were gonna be a bunch of lights strung up on a few lamp posts but they were actually fantastic. Unfortunately Max fell asleep about 15 minutes into the tour so he missed it all! We’ve said we’re gonna go back next year though for longer because we only stayed one night.

I’ve got a lot of stuff I want to blog about so when I have a bit more time I’ll start getting round to it. Till then 😊


Why I don’t want any more children

So today I looked on my Timehop and realised that on this date 3 years ago I found out I was pregnant. I actually remember taking the pregnancy test and even before those 2 lines came up, I knew it was going to be positive. It was the scariest day of my life as I hadn’t been planning on children at that point.

When I was younger and naively thought my relationship would last forever, I had a very definite plan for 3 children. I actually laugh about it now because my views have changed so much from even just 3 years ago.

I want to say first of all that my son is the best thing in my life. I couldn’t imagine my life without him, he makes me smile every day and I can honestly say he’s given me a purpose to want to better myself and achieve more in life. But I don’t want any more children.

People have said to me “you’ll change your mind when you meet the right person.” The thing is, I just don’t think there IS a right person. I thought my son’s father was the right person at the time!

There are various reasons why I’ve decided not to have any more. For a start, I hated pregnancy. It was long, I had sickness and was in a lot of pain. I had a bad labour resulting in an assisted delivery which meant I was unable to even walk properly for weeks after. I mentioned before that I had the baby blues which prevented me from fully appreciating the first few months of Max’s life.

Then I became a single parent and realised that it’s hard work. I found it impossible to get a job and find affordable available childcare which left me out of work for 18 months. I’ve only just started to get back on my feet. Another shallower reason for not wanting more children is I don’t particularly want a daughter and there’s no way of guaranteeing another son!

I think my biggest fear if I were to have another child is another failed relationship and having to go through all this again. I’d prefer to focus on the child I do have, work to give him everything he deserves and give him all my attention. I was an only child and I turned out OK. I’d like to think Max will too 😊

Autumn days

Max had his 2 year check up today. The health visitor was really pleased with his progress – she said his speech is lovely and clear and everything else is on track. His height and weight are just above average for his age which I’m glad about because he had issues with weight gain when he was newborn. All seems to have evened out well though. 😊

He still gets a bit upset when I drop him off at nursery but today he was fine and went in by himself. When I ask him if he enjoys it at nursery he always says no it’s too dirty 😂 I think that’s just his favourite phrase at the moment!

I’m loving autumn so far. I usually get grumpy when it starts getting cold but I’m really content this year so I’m loving everything at the moment! Went down to Devon and saw my best friends at the weekend too which was so much fun.

I’m taking Max to Blackpool this weekend, I can’t wait cos I’ve never been and I’ve always wanted to go. I’ll probably update again then 😊

Don’t hold back

I think this is the longest I’ve gone between posts since I started this blog! Real life has been so crazy lately, plus both Max and I have been really ill the past week. I took him to a fete over the weekend but I wish I could have enjoyed it more, I had a migraine all day and a terrible throat. He did have his first ride on a pony though which was cute. 😊

Max is at his dad’s tonight and I’m sat at home with a green tea. Usually when I have a free evening I always have something planned, because I don’t get much spare time, but tonight I felt like I needed some time by myself just to relax. I always feel like I’m rushing somewhere, I never get enough sleep and I’ve been quite run down so I’m just gonna get in my PJs and watch a film.

So this morning I woke up in a really good mood. I have the Timehop app on my phone where I can see my old Facebook and twitter updates, and I like to look at them to see how far I’ve come since then. Even just a year ago when I was just starting out in my new place seems like a lifetime ago. I was thinking to myself, what’s changed so that I’m living so differently from how I was 6 years ago? And the answer is me. I’m what’s changed.

People who didn’t know me at school will probably be surprised to hear that I used to be shy as a child. I mean PAINFULLY shy, to the extent that I would go bright red if someone I didn’t know spoke to me. I don’t remember the exact moment I eventually came out of my shell, but it was one of the best things I ever did.

Life can be very difficult if you’re shy. For example, when I joined my gym with the intention of weight training I had no idea what I was doing. My 13 year old self would have sat down, looked around, attempted to use the equipment, probably injured myself and left after 5 minutes just out of fear of asking for help.

What I actually did was ask someone to show me everything I wanted to use and exactly how to do it. Once you know, you know and then you’re sorted.

The point I wanted to make was that fear is stupid. It will hold you back from what you really want to do. I understand what it’s like to be shy and the only way to get over it is to interact. You CAN have whatever you want, but sometimes you have to ask for it. 😉