Depression.

OK, I know this is a bit of a dramatic title, but this post is going to discuss some dramatic stuff, so bear with me.

The other day I posted a photo on Instagram of a dessert I had when I went out for my birthday. (An AMAZING dessert, with Bailey’s in it 😍.) When people like my photos I usually have a bit of a nosey on their profiles to see what they’re like (I’m interested in people). So this girl liked my dessert photo and when I clicked on her profile I saw that she was a recovering anorexic (very inspiring, by the way – I love seeing people battling against the odds). I had a brief look through her photos and noticed some of the hash tags – things like #depression #ana #edrecovery etc. I clicked on a couple of them to see what posts would come up and I was literally catapulted into a world that is the complete opposite of mine.

I honestly couldn’t believe some of the things I found on there. Pictures of self harm, starving girls, quotes about suicide – a lot of anonymous accounts talking about how worthless they felt, how they didn’t want to be here any more… One account I found talked about how their dad had called them “stupid” for having depression and said he didn’t want to be in the same room with a stupid person. These posts literally horrified me. I’ve just been in and looked at my 2 year old while he sleeps in his bed and think if he ever had those feelings when he’s older I’d be absolutely heartbroken.

I know I don’t come across as a sensitive person. In general, I’m not. I have no time for people who talk about “relationship goals” and moan about trivial nonsense. But I do care about real human suffering. This is the exact reason why I want a career where I can make a difference, where I can help people – even if it’s just one person, that would make me happy.

I don’t have depression. I’ve never had depression. I’ve had a couple of “down” periods in my life, once when I was 18 and then the baby blues just after Max was born (which I discussed in a earlier post) but neither of those is remotely close to what these people suffer every day. I’m not gonna pretend I understand how it feels but I wanted to write this just on the off chance that someone who IS suffering might see it. There are some strangers out there like me who read your stories and do care.

Every day I wake up and plan what I’m going to achieve that day. Even if it’s something ridiculous and boring like cleaning the bathroom. I get a sense of satisfaction out of every day, I’m so excited about the opportunities that are available to me and I’m in love with life. EVERYONE can have that and everyone deserves to feel like that. I wish everyone could feel the same as I do and from now on I’m going to try every day to give out random compliments to people, even strangers. You never know when you’re making someone’s day that little bit better. 😊

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