So this week, 17th June was my son’s second birthday! We took him to Thomas Land as he is obsessed with trains, especially Thomas the tank engine. He loved it although he was a bit scared of some of the rides! Also I think I may need a bigger flat to make room for all the new toys he has got. ☺
I was thinking last night about how quickly the past two years have gone and how being a mother has changed me. The first few months of Max’s life were a big struggle for me. Motherhood didn’t come naturally, he was a “crier” and I was living over 100 miles away from my family and support network (Max’s father was in the military at that point). I had a traumatic labour which meant I was ill for months afterwards, I couldn’t go out as much as I wanted and I only had one good friend in the town I lived in (love you Soph 😘). This resulted in me suffering from the “baby blues” which lasted a good 6+ months. I would often sit down after he went to bed and think to myself “I can’t do this”. I can talk about it now but at the time I was worried people would think I was a bad mother. I had no doubt about my love for Max, but I didn’t know how to settle him when he wouldn’t stop crying.
When he was 8 months old, Carl (my son’s father) got a job in the city where my family lived. Things got easier when we moved as I had a support network around me. When Max was 10 months Carl and I split up, which now I realise was one of the best things that could have happened. We didn’t get along any more, we had different views on a lot of things and we parent much better being apart. I moved into my own flat and my new found independence gave me so much more confidence, in both my parenting and myself. I had spent the last couple of years working part time and then quitting to look after Max, moving from place to place so we could focus on Carl’s career, and now I could focus on myself and what I wanted to do. I felt free and I could do whatever I wanted now.
Fast forward a year later to today and my own personal life is crazy but in a good way! I’m working towards my goals and I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my life. The best part of it is knowing I’m a damn good mother and no matter what it will be me and my boy against the world. Happy birthday Max my baby, I can’t wait to see what the future brings for us 🙌